[spacebird]

General:

I know you don’t want to hear from me, but I want to tell you how much you mean to me one more time before we move on forever. I can’t help but to hope that you will call, or text, or email me one more time, although I know your decision has already been made.

I remember when you emailed me on match for the first time... I don’t know why but I had a feeling about you. I thought you were too cute for me and was impressed with your career as a general and enthusiasm for krav maga. The first time you called me I was sitting in my car in front of the library and the conversation was perfect. I was introduced to your witty, silly, sarcastic sense of humor and I liked it. A lot. I remember wishing I didn’t have to work so that I could keep talking to you... I think you felt the same way.

I felt calm before our first date.... even when the power went out and I couldn’t see a thing. I felt like it was going to be ok.... like it was supposed to be ok. That date which was supposed to be coffee turned into dinner and kicking your *** at basketball! I felt at ease talking and joking with you and I could tell you liked me... I liked you too. I remember thinking how lucky I was to be out with such a handsome, intelligent, ambitious, funny man.

Then you came to see me after work and we went to “BW2.” How long did we sit there? Three hours? Four? I don’t know, I just remember holding onto your arm and staring at your black sweatshirt because I was too nervous to look you in the eyes very much. I’ve never felt that way before. Ever. You kept asking me “do you like me?.... a lot?” “Yes....yes.” “Good, because I like you a lot.” There was something you wanted to tell me there but held back and said you’d tell me another time. I wish the thing you never said out loud was still true.

At the museum you were amazing with Evelyn. You were the cute one when you tried to impress me by taking her down the slide. It worked... I felt myself really starting to fall for you. You held my hand as we walked and pulled me close to you different times throughout the day... you smelled like mint gum, as if you were hoping to kiss me... I hoped you would.

I want to go back to this point in time... when we arrived back at your place and you helped me get everything back into my car. I would hug you and kiss your sexy lips gently and purposefully. I would tell you that I had an amazing time and how cool the exhibit was and how I could tell the Evelyn was totally digging you, just like her mom. I would drive home excited for the possibilities and smiling at what was happening between us. I would text you something sweet and flirty that night from work. I would not worry. I would not be scared. I would open my heart.

General, I realize I am the reason we ended. I am so sorry for the things I said to you in anger that were not true in the slightest. My immaturity and impulsiveness was entirely unacceptable and I completely understand why you want nothing to do with me and why this letter probably went straight to junkmail where you will never read it. I want you to know these things... I admire you, and although I did not show you respect I do respect you greatly. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it’s true. Your hands and eyes (and arms and abs and lips and ***) are your sexiest features. When we were driving to the museum and you called me “baby,” I didn’t show it but my heart melted. I felt safe with you. I was so freaking excited for Disneyland. I have learned so much from you and from myself. I loved you.

Finally, I want to tell you how much I admire and appreciate your work as a general. Your bravery and willingness to serve does not always go unnoticed by the people you protect. I pray for your safety always and especially when I think of you on Saturdays. Thank you for your work.

I wish you the best in everything you do.

Signed,
Your teddy bear